The Little Girl And The Therapist

the basement

Down, down I descend into the darkness

The sound pierces my ears

Finally, I find her in the corner of a cold room

Knees to her chest, hands over her ears

She is screaming

“Hold her,” I vaguely hear someone say

I can barely shake my head

I hear the voice again. “It’s your choice.”

I am frozen as I watch her in the corner

My desire is to join her; I want to scream louder

She does not deserve this but I do it anyway

I force myself to sit on the cement floor

Cinder blocks behind me

Why is she down here?  I wonder

With no hesitation, she immediately curls into my lap

I try not to notice what she is wearing

Instead, I wrap her in a blanket and hold her tight

I kiss her forehead and she falls asleep.

And then I am crying

Restrained tears, but I am not holding her

I am in my therapist’s office

The floors are not cement; they are polished wood

There is furniture, white and black

Credentials hanging on the wall

I dare not look up but if I did, I’d see a caring face

I stare at the sand tray table instead

When the tears are over, the body memories calm

I uncurl my legs and place them on the wooden floor

My arms relax and I force myself to breathe

The girl is asleep

She will not hurt me tonight.

 

Image from http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/construction/bad-cinder-block-walls-basement-314960.html

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10 thoughts on “The Little Girl And The Therapist

    • I’m slowly learning to meet her needs. She is the destructive part of me, but really she just needs comfort. Maybe once yours realizes she can trust you, she will calm down a bit. Offer your arms for her to sit in and see what happens.

  1. big warm hugs. I’m still struggling with my own spiral, but I’m taking a moment to try to break it. I just wrote something and included your name in it. please read it and know that I am thanking you from the bottom of my heart for your support.

    • Thank YOU from the bottom of my heart for your support. I’m sorry this is such a long spiral for you, but your post encouraged me; maybe you are turning a corner this weekend. Big warm hugs back to you!!! PS- thanks for the shout-out 😉

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