Desperate For Change

CCEF

Perhaps your typical pattern is that, when you start to think about what happened, you wallow in despair for two hours and cap that off with wolfing down a whole bag of potato chips and drinking a two-liter cola. A small step… might be that in half an hour… maybe you decide to say “hello” to someone instead of avoiding them; or you snap out of your self-preoccupation, and give your child a hug and ask how her day went. These little things are huge, radical steps…

I am desperate for change. I read this from a ‘Recovering From Child Abuse’ pamphlet written by the CCEF in Philadelphia. This small steps concept is what I’m desperately trying to do. This morning, instead of going back to bed after my daughter went down for her morning nap, I got up and made my husband breakfast and took a shower. Instead of going back to bed after my shower, I read this pamphlet that has remained unread on my dresser for at least a year. I read my Bible. I’m not saying I sought God, because that’s not my style. My style is to run from Him as fast as my legs will carry me. But I found comfort in Isaiah 43. I found answers. I found, “You are Mine.” If I can learn to trust God, I have found a new identity in Him. I am His daughter. I am His. Other portions of this passage say, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine,” “I have loved you,” and….

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you.” I believe God’s promises for myself, yet I also believe I am being overflowed by the rivers and I feel the fire is scorching my skin and soul. This passage does not say God will rescue me from trial, but He will be with me in it and He will not leave me. If I can bring myself to trust God, it sounds like I have found a potential best friend. I know He is my Savior. I desire a best friend.

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10 thoughts on “Desperate For Change

  1. I’m so proud of you for challenging your fears and taking that first step. It’s that first step which is the beginning of your road to recovery. I’m glad you found much comfort in the bible. He is always with you xxx

  2. Isn’t it wonderful when God speaks that one little verse to our souls? Sometimes that’s all I need to make it through the day. There’s all kind of things that happen in life to make us feel like we’re drowning. So I think your post today can speak to a wide audience. keep up the good work. And remember the phrase” Just for today” as they say in AA and NA.

  3. Beautiful post. And wonderful steps you have made 🙂 not only not going back to bed, but taking a shower (taking care of yourself), making breakfast for your husband! Sometimes it’s the babysteps that are the best 🙂

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