Two years ago today, I shared with the Facebook world via this blog that I have complex PTSD. Almost all of the feedback has been positive, and the only negative feedback I received was from a fellow therapist who thought I should not be so open about my struggles. I heartily disagree.
I blogged heavily for a year, and quit when I felt its purpose had been served. Even though it has been a while, I feel I have barely changed. My diagnosis is essentially permanent, so I have good days and bad days. Now, they are being managed by medication, and the result has been an answer to prayer. I still run. I still homeschool. My faith, however, is what has grown through the past two years.
As my symptoms increased in severity, my faith had steadily declined. I felt God had forsaken me and was not answering my prayers for healing, a “perfect” marriage, or “easy” motherhood. I am not praying for healing anymore, and am working on accepting this as my norm. I am praying for God to strengthen me through the fire and for my trials to be used to turn my family towards God in a very real way. I pray for enough strength to not dissociate (which He has greatly answered with the help of medication), and I pray for enough wisdom and strength and kindness to serve my husband and lead my children to God.
As I have gradually become more open about my struggle, a group of Christian women have rallied around me to pray with me and love me. I have learned to accept support. I have learned that God strengthens us through the worst trials we face. Most importantly, I have learned that God comforts us with His unfailing love. God has given me the opportunity to share Christ in this struggle as well. It seems that as I have fought against God, He was still doing a work in my life and has still accomplished His purpose.
I have thought about shutting down this blog, but I still get hits and new comments. As long as my trials are an encouragement to others, I’ll continue to keep the blog running… Even if I do not have the time to post.
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. -Romans 8:28