To my darling beautiful angel,
Each of my children’s labors and deliveries are easily in my top favorite memories, and yours is no exception. You, my angel, were my fastest (4.5 hours!) and easiest (2 pushes!) delivery! … and my easiest recovery!!
I had two bouts of false labor, that included strong contractions and my body extensively emptying itself out any and all directions. As you can imagine, the last two weeks of my pregnancy were very challenging. When I woke up at 6am, when you were 39 weeks and 2 days big, with more contractions, I was skeptical. I even sent Daddy into work!! I called him home less than two hours later, and told him to hurry! My labor was progressing very rapidly.
By the time we made it to the parking garage at the hospital, I was taking only two or three steps between contractions. Imagine my dismay when we realized we parked on the wrong floor! We finally made it into the OB triage (the place where they determine whether or not you are really having a baby today), Daddy’s hand on my back through each contraction. They discovered I was at 8cm (I’ll explain that when you’re older; it basically means I was pretty ready for you to come!!) and pushed me on the bed into the delivery room.
Upon entering the delivery room, the nurse looked right at me and commented, “Wow, you’re really calm for 8cm!” You see, my daughter, Genesis 3:16 explains that God made childbirth to be painful. He wasn’t kidding, either! However, I had peace as I was laboring (which, if you read your sister’s birth story here, you’ll see that I was not at all calm. It was embarrassing…). Anyway, I’m pretty sure she was the first person to *ever* describe me as calm, and there is a fair chance it’ll be the last time anyone uses that word for me.
The doctor came and determined that I was now at 9cm (wowza, that was fast!) and she told me if she breaks my water, it will probably go much faster. Now, this is different from water that you drink, dear… well, *you* drank it, but once you’re born you just don’t do that. From what I understand, much of it is comprised of your urine… that’s right, baby, you drank your pee. Anyway, another lesson for another day. The doctor broke my water, and then was immediately called into a cesarean section. She left and within seconds, I started pushing you out! The nurse made some sort of comment about me waiting for a doctor, but I couldn’t stop pushing! She called in a midwife instead. The midwife asked me if I wanted to push in a different position, and as I recall, I was interested but couldn’t really engage in the conversation because I started pushing again! That’s when I heard your daddy exclaiming,”Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!” I knew he was seeing your head, and I just kept pushing (well, not that I could have controlled it regardless). It was wonderful. All of the pain disappeared and I focused on pushing as hard as I could. I was able to put my legs wherever I was most comfortable. It was a peaceful experience.
My eyes were closed so I did not see you enter this world, but I heard your daddy say in the softest voice, “It’s [insert your sister’s name].” That’s when I knew I had just delivered a baby girl. The midwife rested you on my chest, with you still attached via umbilical cord. I had prayed through my pregnancy that I would be able to hold you right away, but didn’t have a chance to ask before you were born! God heard and answered. I was able to hold you for a long time, but they had to help support you because you were still attached. Daddy was able to cut your cord and then I nursed you for the first time. My goodness, were you hungry! The midwife took her time in cleaning and stitching me up (I’ll explain “stitches” when you’re a bit older, sweetie). Daddy said he wanted so badly to catch you as you were coming out, and the midwife told him he could have! It was such a different experience with a midwife, and your daddy felt it too.
So far, you are so calm. You are a great nurser, a great pee-er and pooper (the best on the maternity floor, we were told- amazing compliment that I’m sure you appreciate fully), and you are calm as your brother and sister poke you and scream around you. It was a beautiful surprise to be handed a baby girl, and my heart is so full to have you as my daughter. I am praying for you daily as you grow from baby to child to woman, and I am praying for the husband God has chosen for you. I thank God for you daily, my beautiful angel. Welcome to our crazy family.
(your brother processing his childbirth questions through art, before you were born)
Life and PTSD 